Salt

   It started innocently, no one goes into this thinking it is a good idea. She grew up being perfect -the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect student, the perfect athlete- and then suddenly she wasn’t.
   She remembers asking for a milkshake after soccer practice once when she was ten during December, her dad had just stopped by the store and across the street was a milkshake she so desperately wanted. Her dad had told her he couldn’t get her one because he was trying to help her watch her figure. She still remembers this comment. Was she fat even then? Or the time she wanted to look like all the other girls in eighth grade, so she wore a zip-up hoodie and tight shirt. When she raised her hands her top rode up and her stomach was out. Her teacher made a face of disgust. Was she fat even then?
   Her hands shake, her head hurts, her body swims through a sea of coldness and hate. She is sinking so fast she doesn’t even know if she can ever float. Her mind wanders into new realities to forget her own. Her pain, physical and spiritual, haunts her both day and night. She wants to forget, she is trying to forget, but how can she?
   It is said that everything in life can be cured by salt; sweat, tears, or the sea. She does not know how to cry, she is too cold to sweat, and the sea is nowhere around. Where is her cure? Who can fix her when she doesn’t want to be fixed?
   Her pants are getting looser, but she can’t see herself getting smaller. It’s a goal, it’s an obsession, it’s her life. When will it happen? Can it happen? Is this even achievable? She wants and would die to get it.