Happy Birthday

It is a day before my birthday and I have not felt this way in a long time. Right now I am going through a lot. I was in a car crash a little over a month ago and I should have died in it. It almost would have been better if I died in it. It's a day before my birthday and I no longer see the point in living. I am not going to just go and kill myself, but if something were to happen to me it would not be the end of the world. I think the car crash triggered all of these feelings inside of me. I'm scared, I am scared all the time. I think somewhere in this past month I have forgotten what it feels like to feel alive. I just feel dead inside. It's the day before my birthday and I hate myself.